Your Home May Be Ugly - Part II

TRAGIC Home Design
(That You're Probably Guilty Of) - Your Walls, Part II

Last week we covered the importance of proper wall art sizes. This week we decided to kick it a little freestyle for those who just don't dig "traditional" framed art. Everybody has their reasons for not wanting a pretty picture on every blessed wall (it can be overkill). That's still no excuse to put up anything you want, how you want, just to be "unconventional". You have to have a plan and understand some basic rules before you break them like the rebel you are. It's seriously cool to push the limits, but push too far and you'll find yourself gasping for air all by yourself on your own ugly, little, oxygen-free, moon.

Poor thing can hardly breath.

Let's Get CRAZY, but not too crazy.
Mirrors: Okay, this is more of a non-edgy warm-up, but it needs to be addressed. For the most part, you can treat mirrors like pictures, size-wise, not grouping wise. (see Part I). Some people find it fabulous to hang a big honkin' mirror over their mantle, which is alright. Except, when it's just reflecting your goofy ceiling.

"I love what you've done with that corner... up there"

When you hang a mirror anywhere, it doesn't just reflect your beautiful face, it reflects other things in your home also. Just make sure whatever it's reflecting is worthwhile. Consider, reflecting the view you have outside your home. Even if your husband's first car is decorating the middle of your lawn, you'll still reflect natural light making your home brighter. Mirrors can make small spaces feel bigger and add another texture to the decor. Just don't go nutty slapping a mirror everywhere or before you know it, the neighborhood kids will be wanting to buy tickets to the new local "Fun House".

Don't be afraid to go big... very big. If you have a home that can pull it off (Use your best judgment here; I can't see your home to help, from my computer) then you might want to consider making an accent wall using large mirror squares (think around 18" to 24" squared) tiled on your wall with custom wood molding around it applied directly to the wall. You can even order actual picture frame molding by the linear foot, on line, if you really want to knock it out of the proverbial ball park. Great example of where to use this technique would be in an entry, where you can slap your narcissistic guests with the most beautiful image possible... themselves. Perhaps use this technique in your dining room where it can reflect the Martha Stewartesque spread on your grossly underused dining table and that sweet chandelier that's turned on once or twice a year. Whatever the case, big mirrors can make big impressions.

"Seriously, have I told you how much I love what you've done with your entry?
I really, really LOVE it!"

Murals & Decorative Painting
Okay, now we're stepping things up a bit. Most of us aren't strangers to this concept, but don't really know how to tackle it. One way is to hire a muralist, but that's the easy way out, and a very good idea. The other way is to actually find some ideas that inspire you. Some ideas might be artists you admire, landscapes or perhaps just some decorative accents. First, don't freak out at this idea. Take a deep breath. Remember, it's only paint. You can paint over it if you hate it. If you pull it off though you will look like a creative genius because most people don't have a creative backbone in their body. I say backbone because most people are creative they just don't have the courage to put it out there for the world to see.

Where did that handsome, courageous fellow come from (speaking of narcissists)?

So I encourage you now to at least do, NOT TRY... do (as advised by Yoda in Return of the Jedi). Give it a go in your kid's room at first. If it looks ridiculous you can just say something like this: "Did I say I painted this? No, no little Rupert did it. Not bad for his first painting, right? I think he might be a prodigy." If you do have some mad skills then get on with your bad self. And, send some pics for us all to see when you're done.

I know what you're thinking, "But, Scott, I really have no talent at painting... really, I'm serious." Alrighty, here's some solid advice, especially for those who can't afford to buy stuff to hang on their walls. Paint is your friend. If you just can't paint scenery, people or even simple organics, then do shapes or lines! "But, Scott, that sounds really lame... really, I'm serious." I know, but hear me out. Nothing screams, "I have nothing" like a naked wall painted beige, much less four of them. Consider painting 18" wide, horizontal stripes, spaced evenly, around your room. Think subtle tone-on-tone variations. Horizontal stripes make a room look bigger and it gives a hip, modern feel. Or, grab a card of coordinating colors from some paint store, and use them all together. Alternate the colors to paint a whole accent wall with 24" or larger squares. The point is by adding color and pattern to one or all of your walls, you make it the art in the room.

Awww SNAP! That wall just got a serving of undiluted AWESOMENESS.
Notice there isn't a single stinkin' picture on it.

Paint can really warm up a space, add personality and best of all... it's cheap. You just need some painter's tape (or better yet Frog Tape), a 36" level, paint brush, roller, tray and a plan. Sketch up your idea first. Even color it in with some map pencils and make sure you like it. Then do it! Heck, look on TV for inspiration. The contestants' apartments on this season's Project Runway are great examples.

Okay, maybe this idea isn't for everybody.

Be a Show Off!
If you really want to shoot for the stars, then consider displaying what's meaningful to you. Dust off the fancy china you never use and make an elegant display on your wall using plate hangers (available at most hobby centers). Hang them in odd numbers around a mirror or picture (perhaps three per side) or hang them vertically in narrow spaces between doorways with a dinner plate in the middle and a salad plate above and below. Go a step further and put antique glass knobs above them with ribbon tied to the knob and plate (the ribbon can actually hold it, or you can just fake it and let the plate hanger do the real work with the ribbon resting behind the plate).

"Honey, where's all our dishes?"

Have an old or new toy collection or other collectibles that for some strange reason keeps hanging around in your attic? Live in shame NO LONGER! Bust that collection out and show the world your passion. Just don't stick it on some lame, cinder block and pine-board shelves because that's sad and not sexy. Put them on some glass shelves, build some custom ones, or get some big shadow boxes to really highlight the star performers. Perhaps, edit your selection a bit though. Don't make guests feel like they stepped into a 1980's KB Toys. Just make whatever you display look important and/or fun.

I have no idea what this is about, but it's done well.

The Conclusion
At the end of the day, getting something up on your boring walls is the goal. Ideas abound in magazines, TV, movies and Google. Just look for them. I guarantee, if you make any effort to look at any of these sources you'll find some ideas within 10 minutes to make a cool statement in your home. You just have to commit to the idea and run with it. Make a weekend project of it. And by Monday, you'll feel as good as you can on a Monday about your achievement.

Got some creative solutions for ugly walls? Email (hauteseat@google.com) your solutions to us to be shared with a creatively starving world. We'll post your ideas here on this very blog! Yes, this one.