Your Home May Be Ugly

TRAGIC Home Design
(That You're Probably Guilty Of) - Your Walls, Part 1

Many home owners are becoming more conscientious about the presentation of their homes. Television, magazines and internet articles (not nearly as awesome as this one) are chalk-full of great tips and pretty pictures that show us how "divine" our homes can be. But, like crack-induced squirrels we're usually too busy to even take in the dire state of our current home's state-of-affairs. That, or just like the clueless armadillo crossing Interstate 35 at 5:00 pm we just don't see the accident that's already happened to our not-so-sweet pads. Well we're going to guide you through what you're doing to make your home less desirable than Bate's Motel, why you're doing it, and how to fix it. So, here we go...

It's like looking in a mirror!

Putting Postage Stamps on the Titanic
The travesty:
In a recent survey of snooty designers the number one problem they said most people have when decorating their homes themselves is scale. What's scale, you say? That just means putting appropriate size stuff in places where it won't look too tiny or big (like sticking a sea bass in your kids 2 gallon aquarium). Which is where so many fail...epically. Look around you right now, assuming you're at home. Do you have a great big wall? Perhaps 12' wide by 9'+ high? Is there one sad picture on it that's about 24" high? Don't feel ashamed. You, like so many, suffer from Biggapicturaphobia (copyright pending on that name). Or worse yet, some people have a bunch of even smaller pictures, widely spaced, pasted all over like zits on an elephant.

"Honey, I can't hang it any HIGHER!"

Why, oh why, do we do this?
This problem exists for several reasons, most of which can be blamed on your mom. But, in the interest of cutting mothers a break everywhere we'll tell you why they also did it.

• There is a lack of big art. To go further, there is a lack of big, good art. You can't just run to Hobby Lobby and bag a cool, big, print that wasn't originally produced after 1913, for some reason, or that doesn't have creepy Victorian children standing sheepishly by a broken vase. The fact is most major retailers find art, much less "big honkin' art", a slow seller due to it's subjectivity. They don't want that albatross flying around the showrooms for years. Thus, we just don't see, and subsequently, don't even know big art exists.

yes, that's the one...

• We're too scared to make a statement! Have you ever seen a lady rockin' a big hat, old-school, in her designer outfit and totally pulling it off? You may have thought to yourself, "DANG!" and then admired the pure courage it takes to make that kind of personal expression for the world to see. It's an intimidating thought to have to pick a style that's truly a reflection of your tastes and put it out there for the world to see. But, if you do, the world sits up and notices and usually in an intrigued, admiring way. The key is to believe in your selection and be proud of it. It's your home, why not? Think about the first clown who hung a Picasso in his house when Cubism (a.k.a. abstract) hadn't even been heard of yet. I bet that family got some attention. We're not saying to run out and put Guernica on your wall (because the U.N. won't let you have it), but find something big, different and you.

More courageous than all those tiny hat wearing fools behind her.

• You really just don't have a clue. Okay, some of us truly are just clueless and really, really need a designer's help. You need that person to tell you that your home really does look fat in those jeans. Friends and family are notorious for holding out on honest opinions and the ones who aren't shy usually have bad, all-be-it well intentioned, hideous advice. A designer will get to know you, take in your surroundings and put forth a new vision for your home. They'll help find the coolest part of you and visually interpret it all over your goofy home for your future guests to envy. Designers are great; they're like your artificial design backbone.

Solutions!

We've given you some ideas already. But, you may be wondering "how big"? One basic rule is to think in thirds. If you have a big wall with no furniture; use one-third to two-thirds the height of the wall (ex. 9' wall needs a 3' to 6' picture). If you have a console, server, buffet on a wall use close to one-third the height of the wall (ex. a 36" console on a 9' wall with a 36" picture hung 3-4" above the furniture piece). If you have a long wall, do a gallery of larger works or mix up smaller pieces with larger ones. Try and cluster the art in odd numbers of three's and five's. Leave some negative space between extra large paintings or large groupings.

Don't be afraid to make your own art. With today's digital cameras almost anyone with a functioning retina and finger can take a pretty decent photo. Shoot something interesting, like someone else shooting a photo, at an interesting angle and make it black and white.

Come on! You're not even trying.

Take the file to Kinko's (now Fedex office or something) and have it enlarged to a standard size to save money on framing later. Slap it in a... surprise... a standard frame from some hobby store and, BOOYA, you're in business. Heck, make a collage or let your kid do an abstract painting on canvas. Just get something appropriately sized up on those walls. For more advice, shoot us some questions or give some feedback in the comments sections.